I had to pay for that

I grew up enjoying fairy tales and always wanted to marry a handsome prince and live in a picturesque castle. Now that I am an adult, I have changed my goals and understand a castle and prince is for the birds.  I now realize that the handsome prince would possess very few skills, probably not have a real job, and refuse to be very helpful around the house. I doubt he’d understand changing a tire, fixing a clogged toilet or even switching out the air filter on the furnace.  He wouldn’t have a clue how to light a pilot, clean a cooling coil, or change the oil in the car. The castle would be a nightmare to live in. Most castles don’t include indoor plumbing, electrical power or climate control. There’s not even screens on the windows, and I’m sure there’s an awful problem with bugs, humidity and air quality. It would be really expensive to install ductwork into stone walls.  Since the prince would be a chump, I’d end up chopping all that wood and dragging it up all those stairs. I’d then build a fire for warmth and cooking, which would spread fumes and soot. With the high ceilings and wide open windows, the rooms would be alternately too drafty or too humid, depending on time of year I prefer my modern house with running water, power outlets, central heating and cooling and programmable thermostat.  Instead of a useless prince, I’m looking for a licensed plumber, electrician or HVAC contractor. I want a guy who does it all in home improvement and repairs. My idea of happily-ever-after is a kept after house, a queen sized bed and flat screen television.